My new addiction became white breads. Rolls, Hot Dog Buns with peanut butter and honey (yes. honey. I wasn't attacking the natural raw sugars, just the processed crap), Hoggie sandwiches...on WHITE rolls, pasta, and PIZZA! OHHHH Glory be to the Italian for opening the Four Seasons Pizzeria....just down the street.
Mind you; my whole life has been geared to whole grains and all things raw and good, so this white stuff craving was something completely out of character for me.
This week I had to deal with the realization that I am an emotional eater. (Something I've been denying for years.) The things that I used to sooth stress, feelings of being unworthy, no value to my life, depression, anger, and boredom was sweet treats. Not so much gorging on copious amounts of food or consuming an entire 9x13 pan of brownies, but just having any form of sugar 1-3 times a day, everyday.
I had overwhelming amounts of inflammation, my tired body and mind, depression, all those feelings of worthlessness, frustration and emotions that were unexplained were all exacerbated by my consumption of sugar. Mentally I knew this, physically I felt this, but breaking free of the habits and patterns was the hard part!
Another point of awareness is how my body feels coming off this stuff. Every joint, every muscle, every cell in my body and my endocrine system is letting me know how badly I abused my body. I think these parts of me are united in their goal of heavy communication with my brain to get me to change my patterns. I am now listening!
Let me share with you what I did this week to help conquer this madness. With every opportunity to consume white flour, I consumed it. As I ate it I had communication with my spirit. Oh yes! We've had many conversations this week on how to move through the white powder. But I was not going to attack that monster while fighting the white cube! One step at a time!
It's almost like my spirit is saying to me, "Is this what you really want?" The answer to this question is a resounding NO! Each minute of each hour of each day I was asked this question. And every time the answer remained NO. This is not what I want, this is a habit, a way to give myself permission to eat whatever I wanted as long as it wasn't any of my usuals.
I do believe my patterns are lessening as time passes. I'm enjoying the true tastes of foods. Really, you ask? YES! Food tastes different when your body isn't racked with the effects of sugar. Who knew?
I think that the biggest awareness since my break-up is that addictions of any kind comes with a price. It takes an absolute toll on the body and mind and to conquer any addiction! I HAD to FIRST be true to myself and be ok with accepting and owning my part in how bad I felt.
Anyone recovering from addiction needs a true support system. My support system, believe it or not, were all my peeps on Face Book and close friends. Just having their support and encouragement and high fives was so valuable to me. Addiction is a tough row to hoe!!! I live in gratitude every day because of my peeps! To all of you, I say THANK YOU!
Through all the ups and downs emotionally in breaking free of the white cube, I found this quote from Picasso and as I read it, I realized that ACTION is the key to anything we do in and with our lives. Without action, there can be no progression. ~and so it is~
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